I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
