He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
