I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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