My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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