So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
