I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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