dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
