Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize