We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
