Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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