Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
