if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
