Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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