Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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