no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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