will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
