it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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