Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
