FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
