I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
