I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
