The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
