i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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