i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Cold hands, warm shart.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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