3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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