Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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