is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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