You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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