It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
