I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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