I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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