Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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