it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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