God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
