I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
