I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
