I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
