Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
