You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
