in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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