There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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