Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
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he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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