hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
