Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
