Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
