those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
