Define "chronic" masturbator.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Randomize
