I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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