are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
