Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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