is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
