Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
