My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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