ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
