Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
