who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
