508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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