I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
