So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??