All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..