Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.