She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys