he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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