only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
