the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
