I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
