The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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