You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
