2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
