I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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