wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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