I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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