Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
