I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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