Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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