Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
