she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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