dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Found your dick twin last night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize