I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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