i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize