he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
