yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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