you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
