I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
