you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize