I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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