My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
