My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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